The Hämis Handbook

This handbook helps you be the best hämis you can be. It's developed by the ministry of health of the DHRN (Democratic Hämis' Republic of Noita).

Hämis are three-eyed and three-legged creatures. If you don't match this description, then you must stop reading now and go away.

HÄMIS ONLY BEYOND THIS POINT

Survival

Survival is the #3 top priority of every hämis. This section contains tips and tricks for staying alive.

Environmental Awareness

A good hämis is aware of the risks and opportunities in their environment.

Fire

The main environmental hazard is fire. Due to our small size, fire can quickly spread over the entire body causing fatal injuries.

If you're caught on fire, you should attempt the following:

  1. Go into water or another non-flammable liquid.
  2. Distance yourself from the rest of your group.
  3. Panic and jump around wildly.

Polymorphine

Polymorphine will temporarily change you from your perfect hämis form to another creature. This is a traumatic experience.

It could even turn you into a Konna.

Avoid at all costs.

Hiding Spots

Purple, pixelated vase turned so the opening is on the bottom left.
Example hiding pot

The element of surprise is crucial when attacking our enemies.

You can hide in dark spots, behind corpses, or conceal your numbers by standing on top of other hämis.

It's also possible to hide inside pots. Four hämis can easily fit inside one; more is dangerous due to lack of oxygen and overheating risk. You should exit the pot as soon as it gets damaged.

Mortal Enemies

Player

Wanted: Player. 1,000,000 hämis dollar reward.

"Player" is easily the most dangerous enemy. According to the Bureau of Hämis Statistics, they are responsible for 27.8% of hämis deaths; almost as much as cardiovascular disease.

Due to the level of harm players have done to hämis society, we've placed a bounty on their life of 1,000,000 hämis dollars.

Players wearing crowns or amulets are even more dangerous.

It's been reported that some players are friendly to hämiskind, but we believe this is a dangerous myth that players spread to hurt more of us.

Konna

Konna are green, slimy, stinky, jerks that were mean to me once. You should ignore them to make them feel bad.

Do NOT invite them to your birthday party.

Best Friends

Suurhämis

suurhämis.webp not found on server (404)
Indisputable proof of suurhämis existence

Some say that suurhämis doesn't exist. They are wrong; suurhämis is 100% confirmed real. There's even video evidence.

Anyone found spreading lies about suurhämis will be punished to the fullest extent of the law.

Culture

The culture created and enjoyed by hämis encompasses many different forms, including clothing, entertainment, and sport.

Fashion

Hämis enjoy dressing up and looking fancy.

Hämis have been seen dressing up as cowboys: Two Hämis wearing cowboy hats in the desert.

Wearing maid outfits: Three Hämis wearing maid costumes. One stands to the left on a pier. Two others are inside a house that's attached to the pier.

As well as making themselves very colourful: Around ten Hämis in several different colours standing on a circular chunk of land.

Entertainment

Pixel art purple handheld game console. D-pad in the bottom left and two action buttons on the bottom right. Black screen above the controls.
GHC revision 1

Hämis love playing games such as moving left and then right and then left again.

Playing games on the GameHämis handheld console is also a great way to spend your leisure time.

Sport

Hämis standing on a skateboard on a ledge. Ready to ride down and do awesome tricks.
Tony Häms | 2026 Noita Championship

Walking and standing still are great activities, but if that's not intense enough for you, then you can try skateboarding.

Because we have three legs, we can build up speed much more quickly than the two-legged losers.

You know who sucks at skateboarding? Konna.